bread&tea

From the time I became aware of, and observed the cycle of pain through dating and break-up, it has deeply affected my heart in two ways. One, never to date one on one, and choosing to "hang out" in groups rather than single out people to become romantically inclined towards, and two, repeated sorrow of observing the world. Without spiritual maturity though, I've never known how to reach out and heal by Jesus' love. I'd say compassion towards those hurting people, but compassion denotes action. Tears may be shed, but to what avail? Oh but how my heart aches for them! No matter how I may loathe the arrogance and cruelty of the lost, all the more do I see it reflected in my heart hardened against an open hand for them. Unwilling to show that I care, in partial fear that I may end caring much more than I would like. My Jesus softens the heart that would stay hidden away living the quiet, yet complacency tending life of writing and reading and never sharing the lov...

The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment. This is from Joshua Harris as read in "I Kissed Dating Goodbye". I've recently had reason to find literature backed up with a scriptural base for why I act; this book has been great. There aren't brand new ideas on every page, rather I've found it very confirmatory towards behavior I practice but which previously necessitated no explanation, and thus priority never allotted time for creating one. More "easy believing". The world needs to see where joy comes from. I don't think the shallow held up euphoria of the lost goes unnoticed, that those always happy people are playing at happy over every little possible thing in the effort to stay happy. Grins and giggles, quick movement and silly faces. There's a place for wonderful application of those, but in constancy can it really be believed? If it makes a fun time, why does it take so much time for the fun to be had? If I'm making things fun, wh...

Your position is not really yours until you make it yours through suffering and study. Suffering and studying could easily be re-labeled "experience" and often looks like wisdom. The idea of belief in something being called "easily believed" did not come to my mind during thought, but does capture the point. Living without clearly understanding my own reasoning is easy belief. There is many a time when my stance was held merely with stubborn obstinacy, (redundancy for emphasis) rather than solid belief. Maybe it worked alright with the result of avoiding a sin or doing something stupid, but it couldn't have had a positive effect on the world's observation. Easily believing only undermines faith from bringing confidence and boldness in Christ, and an assurance of the truth. Easily believing resembles standing in the current of a river, unable to see one's footing. It feels sure, but that's probably only because the current is weak; there is no chanc...

If I had to recap "My Utmost For His Highest" in one sentence, I'd label the book as an urging to surrender rights of oneself to God. To surrender the will completely to Him. This is covered from a plethora of different angles. A few days ago I happened upon one entry though, which sounded utterly set apart from the rest of the book, of which I'm copying here. It mostly captures what I haven't fully realized I have been being taught the last couple years, and have been nearly brooding over for the last few months. 2 Timothy 2:15 Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. If you cannot express yourself well on each of your beliefs, work and study until you can. If you don't, other people may miss out on the blessings that come from knowing the truth. Strive to re-express a truth of God to yourself clearly and understandably, and God will use that same explanation when you s...

It's too easy slapping a stereotype on a body. I've done it many times and had the expectation shatter enough to know my own misjudgment. It's only natural to sort through previous experience and try to build a picture of someone by adding bits from others they are similar too. I would say it's not alright to judge based on a stereotype, were it already not alright to judge without one. For me, recently the stereotype has been all about whether a given person is shallow, or holds depth of character and desire, which of course mostly resulted in conviction myself of petty thought. The first hypothesis was overtly expressive people being shallow whilst the silent carry depth, and while that does fit, it ends up being only half the time. I have to consider the hypothesis was born out of selfish desire for the introverted to carry some sort of inherent superiority, which of course is a sub-conscious desire well dead by now. Initial impressions of silence could fit two t...

*cracks open moldered door* I've never had good self-discipline. In the back of the mind I always knew essays were the best way to retain information passed through words, and so commenced to write a form of essays on thoughts and perspective via blog. Consistently writing takes discipline, even as natural for some, with whom I'd like to include myself were it not so obvious that's not quite the reality. While the bent to write isn't so inherently strong that I write anything anywhere, a desire is harbored. Kept afloat with a flicker of ambition. Becoming more disciplined is- once again- part of what initiates such a return to old grounds. The ambition to retain information and build a solid worldview on top as the primary reason. Ignorance is a large contributor to poor worldview, and information retention a large contributor to ignorance. Have you believed something you could not easily explain to a friend? Lived a social norm differently for strong reasons and ...

This was written offline, after further reflection on disciple making. There's many subjects I write about personally to concrete for myself what the bible really says that I can believe, yet many others that bear writing publicly over as well, in an undecided stage or not. Is it not better, instead of allowing relationships to start at any time, indeed, even encouraging relationships via open casual-ity and exuberant friendliness, to leave open the doors for more, is it not better to hold those at bay? For once started, there is no turning back. What I exhort is a difficult choice. I am not single because I happen to be that way. It is a choice that I proactively uphold, and it is a choice that I do not always like. Each day I am in contact with those I would not be sad to be friends with, contrary to complete abstinence from friendship, some small amount of camaraderie I can't help but cultivate. However, allowing these individuals to become interested in me inherently pul...