Intro And Initial Draft On Dating


From the time I became aware of, and observed the cycle of pain through dating and break-up, it has deeply affected my heart in two ways. One, never to date one on one, and choosing to "hang out" in groups rather than single out people to become romantically inclined towards, and two, repeated sorrow of observing the world. Without spiritual maturity though, I've never known how to reach out and heal by Jesus' love. I'd say compassion towards those hurting people, but compassion denotes action. Tears may be shed, but to what avail?

Oh but how my heart aches for them! No matter how I may loathe the arrogance and cruelty of the lost, all the more do I see it reflected in my heart hardened against an open hand for them. Unwilling to show that I care, in partial fear that I may end caring much more than I would like. My Jesus softens the heart that would stay hidden away living the quiet, yet complacency tending life of writing and reading and never sharing the love that makes me alive.

Above, the heart softened by Jesus.  Below, the heart hardened by the world. While combined, a typical blog addition for me. My mind wasn't up to the task of threading them together tonight. I'm so sick of wording everything biblically correct, for I know the first two sentences of this paragraph are not quite so, or not quite the way they should be, or not quite saying all that they are, or leaving out what they are not. If I were to wait on saying things biblically correct, I would never say anything, and never arrive at a point where I could begin to say things because I never said anything. And so remain stuck wherever it was I was.

Seems necessary to repeat. Below, the heart hardened by the world. Partly just for fun, partly because I'm too lazy; an example of typical blog material before getting rehashed through writing full paragraphs intended for a supposedly more educated reading experience.

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Conclusions drawn from personal observation and experience. Results therefore, are subject to change, pending greater data. My own inexperience cannot undermine the truth of reality, only cast a wrong slant.

Long relationships, 2 years or more, sometimes turn out to be the affection of close friends rather than dating. Both sides may not be aware.

Courting leads to marriage or the secular equivalent in cohabitation, or break-up. Mere friendship can wrongly be labeled dating.

Dating is having fun together, and unrealistic in terms of getting to know who someone really is. People date primarily for two reasons, either for intimacy, or sex.

The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment. Dating is a detour around commitment, allowing intimacy without commitment, which ends in heartbreak.

Obsession, crushes, infatuation and lust, are all shallow, temporal, and reasons for labeling a "thing" as dating. It is starting a relationship based on feelings, often attraction or lust. It is impulsive immaturity, rashly acted upon. These are often acted upon to start dating. This is dangerous and commonly hurtful.

Dating leads to break-up, or courting. Dating is not a prerequisite for courting. Breaking from courting means friends afterwards sometimes, while breaking from dating has a less than desirable positive success rate.

No matter what emotions happen, break-up forever changes a relationship, even if it stays positive afterwards.

Break-up is not a good option. Even if the friendship remains afterward, I don't believe it is as favorable as beforehand.

Entering a relationship that is anything beyond friendship and brotherly, sisterly love, is either dating or courting, and ends in one of the two paths.

It isn't necessary to date in order to have fun, or be friends. Without an interest in marriage, dating really only leads to painful break-up. This, by allowing two people to become closer emotionally and sexually. Observation can tell whether this is successful or not. With an interest in marriage, dating is just a stepping stone from friendship to courting, and really isn't needed at all. Dating after marriage is a wonderful thing though.

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Part Two

Am I in a position where I have the ability to commit?

Do my finances allow for commitment?
Am I emotionally stable in that I can be an encouragement not a deterrent?
Am I spiritually alive in that I can guide or otherwise direct another to God rather than myself?
Can I lovingly and cooperatively lead that person towards a godly goal?
Do I have a financial and long term direction?

To many assume the "we will make it work" attitude. The "all we need is love" attitude. Love is not physical attraction, or enjoying the company of another, or being emotionally open with another, or having sex. No matter the circumstances, if mutual attraction strikes- and it does all the time- a relationship is often attempted. Does anyone jump in a plane with no fuel, no direction, and no steering control, and try to make it work?


Philippians 1:9-11
And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.

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