Extermination Of An Abnormally Large Insectoide
Just for fun (but mostly because I haven't formulated what I'm writing about next) here is a short story I did for writing practice. The story is very spaced apart; this is because all the italic writing inside parentheses is directions for the reader. I meant for this to be a verbal story, like a storyteller would....tell. The ----- outside of the parentheses is just to get my directions in the right places, as blogger doesn't seem to recognize the space bar for the beginning of sentences.
----------------Extermination of an Abnormally Large Insectoide----------
I was minding my own business. Just sittin’ on my swivel seat fiddling with my
--------- (said rapidly)
guitar, when he buzzed by.
(---------------drawn out---------put force into words---------------------)
What a monster! All vicious, hairy legs, with a grotesquely elongated body. Looked more like a wasp than what he was. Which I couldn’t find out with him zippin’ about like.
---------- (slightly indignant-------------)
Fact is, I thought the bugger WAS a wasp. I’d seen a bunch a waspy lookin’ flying critters outside a the door.
----------------(reflective--------------------)
I figured he’d just moseyed on in, whilst someone had the door open. Well. You know wasps don’t belong in the house. Or at least you should. If you din’t know wasps don’t belong in the house, well, I guess you learn summat new every day don’tcha.
--------------------------- (personal confusion)
I aimed to right this tragedy. Tragedy? Whatever. I gently set down my guitar and armed myself fearsomely. The contraption I had armed myself with consisted of a thin
----------------------------------------------(pause)
metal handle, leading up to a sort of Y shape, with a stiff plastic net mounted on the branches of the Y shape. Wait, I can tell by your faces, you already know what my
-----------(small) (thoughtful silence) -----------------(force, break after real)
weapon is. *sigh* Ah well. You probably din’t know its REAL, PROPER name.
-----(say with coolness-------)(sixty-thousand)
The Flyswat Microfusion Plastigel 60000.
------------------------(annihilate)(pause) (idea, slight relief)
Thus armed, I set out to annihi-eh, um, humanely remove this vile terror that
------------------------(narrowed eyes, bend head down slightly------------------)
darkened my homeland. Furtively I slunk through ta’ house, my eyes dartin’ all
---------------------------------(personal conf.)(resignation)
around in an effort to spot the, well, whatever it was.
Have you ever played racquetball? You know, the game where you kin be lookin’
---(small pause)(sarcastically---------------------------------------)
at the ball, and simultaneously get hit in the back of your head with it.
Well. I saw that bugger, and the next thing I knew he was gone. I spotted him
(emphasis-------------------------------) (thoughtful----------------) (indignant--------)
again, and this time I pursued him. If he would just land… and then instead of
(indignant-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------)
comin’ out of da’ room I distinctly saw him go into, he came from behind me, right past my head. As if he was just doin’ his rounds.
--(self-satisfied, sly) ----------------------------(slight annoyance)
Alright then. If the stinker was going ta’ be like THAT. The next time I spotted the flying black speck I went all out, swingin’ my Flyswat vigorously.
(disappointed----------------------------------) (new hope----------------------------)
Unfortunately, I missed. Several times. I do not give up easily though. For the
----------------------------------------------------------------------------(emphasis)
next fifteen minutes I stalked that bugger, resulting in one bloody conflict after
--------(said epicly, with force--------------------------------)
another. I swung my Flyswat with determination, making the air swirl and eddy, and the critter only just avoided death multiple times.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------(emphasis)
I tried subterfuge too, casually sittin’ with my guitar, and then leaping up to give
-----------------------------------------------------(resignation-------------------------)
chase when the stinker streaked by. Nothing would catch that critter off guard though.
(dread filled--------------say quietly-----------------------------------------)
So I pursued him to the darkest depths of the study and gave battle there.
(said calmly--------------------------------------------------------------)
He thought he had me; but his overconfidence was his downfall. At the top of the
------------------------(drawn out--)(said rapidly------------------sixty thousand)(emphasis)
bookshelf he met his demise. My Flyswat Microfusion Plastigel 60000 crashed
(said epicly, with force-------------------------------------------------------------------)
down on his frail form and at that moment all that had been done and was yet to happen, was changed inexorably. The behemoth that had plagued our homestead was defeated and
------------(emphasis)
peace reigned once more.
(casually, offhand-----------------------------------------)------------(emphasis-------)
I should note that the other members of the household were blind to the
----------------------------------------------------(emphasis)
danger that had threatened their very livelihood, and my victorious quest went by completely
--------------(resignation)
unnoticed. Ah well. Such is the life of a protector of peace and tranquility.
Thus the story ends.
Eyewitness Account and facts by Benjamin Bretey
Written by Benjamin Bretey
Read by whoever is reading at the moment.
This is a true story, only embellished a tiny fragment for editorial purposes.
----------------Extermination of an Abnormally Large Insectoide----------
I was minding my own business. Just sittin’ on my swivel seat fiddling with my
--------- (said rapidly)
guitar, when he buzzed by.
(---------------drawn out---------put force into words---------------------)
What a monster! All vicious, hairy legs, with a grotesquely elongated body. Looked more like a wasp than what he was. Which I couldn’t find out with him zippin’ about like.
---------- (slightly indignant-------------)
Fact is, I thought the bugger WAS a wasp. I’d seen a bunch a waspy lookin’ flying critters outside a the door.
----------------(reflective--------------------)
I figured he’d just moseyed on in, whilst someone had the door open. Well. You know wasps don’t belong in the house. Or at least you should. If you din’t know wasps don’t belong in the house, well, I guess you learn summat new every day don’tcha.
--------------------------- (personal confusion)
I aimed to right this tragedy. Tragedy? Whatever. I gently set down my guitar and armed myself fearsomely. The contraption I had armed myself with consisted of a thin
----------------------------------------------(pause)
metal handle, leading up to a sort of Y shape, with a stiff plastic net mounted on the branches of the Y shape. Wait, I can tell by your faces, you already know what my
-----------(small) (thoughtful silence) -----------------(force, break after real)
weapon is. *sigh* Ah well. You probably din’t know its REAL, PROPER name.
-----(say with coolness-------)(sixty-thousand)
The Flyswat Microfusion Plastigel 60000.
------------------------(annihilate)(pause) (idea, slight relief)
Thus armed, I set out to annihi-eh, um, humanely remove this vile terror that
------------------------(narrowed eyes, bend head down slightly------------------)
darkened my homeland. Furtively I slunk through ta’ house, my eyes dartin’ all
---------------------------------(personal conf.)(resignation)
around in an effort to spot the, well, whatever it was.
Have you ever played racquetball? You know, the game where you kin be lookin’
---(small pause)(sarcastically---------------------------------------)
at the ball, and simultaneously get hit in the back of your head with it.
Well. I saw that bugger, and the next thing I knew he was gone. I spotted him
(emphasis-------------------------------) (thoughtful----------------) (indignant--------)
again, and this time I pursued him. If he would just land… and then instead of
(indignant-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------)
comin’ out of da’ room I distinctly saw him go into, he came from behind me, right past my head. As if he was just doin’ his rounds.
--(self-satisfied, sly) ----------------------------(slight annoyance)
Alright then. If the stinker was going ta’ be like THAT. The next time I spotted the flying black speck I went all out, swingin’ my Flyswat vigorously.
(disappointed----------------------------------) (new hope----------------------------)
Unfortunately, I missed. Several times. I do not give up easily though. For the
----------------------------------------------------------------------------(emphasis)
next fifteen minutes I stalked that bugger, resulting in one bloody conflict after
--------(said epicly, with force--------------------------------)
another. I swung my Flyswat with determination, making the air swirl and eddy, and the critter only just avoided death multiple times.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------(emphasis)
I tried subterfuge too, casually sittin’ with my guitar, and then leaping up to give
-----------------------------------------------------(resignation-------------------------)
chase when the stinker streaked by. Nothing would catch that critter off guard though.
(dread filled--------------say quietly-----------------------------------------)
So I pursued him to the darkest depths of the study and gave battle there.
(said calmly--------------------------------------------------------------)
He thought he had me; but his overconfidence was his downfall. At the top of the
------------------------(drawn out--)(said rapidly------------------sixty thousand)(emphasis)
bookshelf he met his demise. My Flyswat Microfusion Plastigel 60000 crashed
(said epicly, with force-------------------------------------------------------------------)
down on his frail form and at that moment all that had been done and was yet to happen, was changed inexorably. The behemoth that had plagued our homestead was defeated and
------------(emphasis)
peace reigned once more.
(casually, offhand-----------------------------------------)------------(emphasis-------)
I should note that the other members of the household were blind to the
----------------------------------------------------(emphasis)
danger that had threatened their very livelihood, and my victorious quest went by completely
--------------(resignation)
unnoticed. Ah well. Such is the life of a protector of peace and tranquility.
Thus the story ends.
Eyewitness Account and facts by Benjamin Bretey
Written by Benjamin Bretey
Read by whoever is reading at the moment.
This is a true story, only embellished a tiny fragment for editorial purposes.
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