bread&tea

It is good to leave the internet realm alone for a period. Not that I needed more time to sit back and reflect on my scant influence, but more to stand down and brood on any idea of self-importance. There is remorse that I didn't leave anything for questioning readers to go on, but to that all I can say is, I'm sure you got plenty of good stuff done without me while I was gone. I hope your interest in such an unreliable blog is occasionally found worthwhile. It's still okay to say it..... Merry Christmas! Because without Christmas, what in the world is the point of happy holidays? This is getting off track, but happy holidays doesn't really make sense; a holiday is a specifically named day, and its name is never holiday. Meaning it's simply a word to use in place of what is still there, and doesn't change the holiday itself at all. Without the day itself, "holiday" has no reason for existence. So call Christmas "Agnostic's Accolade Day&quo

As a young kid working for quarters and dollars, I used to think I was a very stingy person with purchases.... until I met REALLY stingy people. Thereafter, I thought I was somewhat prudent, but someone who freely spent and often wandered into wastefulness. But my teen years... they have been quite shocking. Nope, I am definitely not free with spending! Short story shorter, comparing your life to other peoples' only ends up in confusion, stress, and wrong conclusions anyway, so I stopped rating spending compared to others' habits. Life is much  simpler when it's just you and God, though not any less complex , in retrospect. I think, for better or worse, I've settled into something I would dub as "frugally generous". A place with much refinement to be done still, that's for sure. I count it a blessing though, through past experiences and present circumstances, to have friends who quite unknowingly teach me the value of social spending. Eating out, f

The big things take weeks to mull through and finalize, and in the between time, I find myself constantly racking my brain for stuff that might be interesting. Every day there are insights, analogies, poem beginnings and one-liner thoughts yet to be sought out. None of that is translatable to sufficient length for posting though. Thus, after three hours of on-and-off jotting bullet-point thoughts, outlines, and saving drafts for future work, I still have nothing. Nothing I can get a start on. So I've devised a plan to deceive myself into writing something anyway. I'm telling myself that since I don't have any one big thing with a page worth of writing and a conclusion figured out, I will write about several small things to constitute one big thing. Inevitably it will end up as only one big thing because of the process. Time is fifty-percent of friendships. At least. I'd have to say that your time, what you give, and what you say are the three twined pillars for buil

Sometimes it's easier to retreat. To just step back and marginalize any feeling of loss with some non-conflict approach. Such as mitigating the sense of being ineffective by returning with an expository contrived of fearlessly written words. It's something I wonder if Paul ever felt like doing. 2 Corinthians 10:10 says, "For some say, 'His letters are weighty and forceful, but in person he is unimpressive and his speaking amounts to nothing." Of course Paul's letters were because he wasn't physically available to teach, but that doesn't stop me from relating to them from my own standpoint. As I can obviously see from the bible, Paul was a great orator, which easily translated (sometimes via dictation) to his letters. I, however, have neither great oratory or God-inspired biblical writing. 2 Corinthians 10 is a great chapter, but verses 1 and 9 through 11 always spring out at me. "By the meekness and gentleness of Christ, I appeal to you-

Musical movies are intrinsically different than normal motion pictures, combining as much dancing and singing as regular acting. As such, I don't think I ever watched one without first mentally preparing myself for all the singing, erecting a wall of past experiences resulting in a poor stereotype. Essentially, lowering my expectations. This done, I would watch the musical, and try to enjoy the more recognizable movie side of it. The end result of course, was always negative. Musicals cannot be enjoyed or appreciated without realizing that the primary storytelling role is from the dancing and singing. The regular movie bits I paid attention to are only the little in-between interlude scenes. That said, I really enjoyed Singin' In The Rain. It started out to be the first and the last, the great that donned the mountaintop of musicals in terms of performance and story. And it did it all by winning through comedy, romance, and all-around good cheer. Musicals have been around for

I appreciate the sentiment, but sometimes my dear kind elders can be too earnest in their attempt to convey that I have a whole life of potential and achievement ahead of me. Some words of wisdom from James 4:14, "Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." Steve Jobs recently died, and I figure by now everyone else has moved on, so now is a good time to bring him up again. I look at his life and then think of the expectations and visions people have for me, ideas and sincere hopes of what heights in personal achievement and impact I will reach. Yet in the end, all I see from their viewpoint is a dismal difference between my life as a gold mist or a plain mist. It's still mist, and either way, it will quickly be forgotten. Yes, I do so love those caring people who wish the best, but I have no desire to spend my life being gold mist. They've lived most of their life an

Matthew 5:13, NLT. "You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless." Salt. I do love salt. After enjoying two slices of buttered toast with garlic salt (someone reading is cringing, I'm sure), I'm sitting here eating Santitas chips... which have salt on them. It reminds me of when I was about nine, and while no one was around to tell me I shouldn't, I finally buckled down and ate a spoonful of salt just to prove to myself that I could. What can I say? Stupid now, stupider then. Suffice to say, I don't recommend trying this at home. In the end I did manage to get it down, but it was mostly due to stubborn refusal of the idea of quitting, having come this far already. I did drink several cupfuls of water directly afterwards though. :-) A spoonful of white sugar though... now there's something I tried at an earlier age. Sore throat? S

I'm not gonna lie... I've second guessed my decision a few times since the last post. And I can hardly believe how many days have already gone by since then. Despite any demonic attempts to re-shackle me with fond addiction- and I easily/freely call it that- I haven't reneged on my decision because of God's refining work, which has soundly reached the point where video games are wholly less appealing than following Christ. Hallelujah! This single point is the largest reason for my resolution.  Just to clarify, as I never explicitly said what I decided (because honestly I hadn't yet), here's my conclusion, which is best described by what my decision is not . I am not ruling out ever playing video games again. Might sound contrary to what I'm talking about, but making a decision like that is just asking to fail. It's legalistic, self-will fueled, motivated by law, and guaranteed to make me eat my words later. Not something I like to do when I like wor

At last. At long, long, last. The end of games. But first, a brief history and fond memoir. I've played through many, many games. Most of which deserve no mention at all; however, some do. There is a little, sadness, at having only experienced primarily pc and ps2 platforms though, so this epitaph can only highlight a few of those platforms achievements. And by the way, if you're still playing either of these platforms, the following might prove to be highly interesting... It all started with the original Civilization. I wouldn't put it on the list of greats but it does deserve credit for what it started. By the time I met Civ II, I knew the ropes. The rest, is history. In order to hold to the promise of "brief", I'm going to use a somewhat chronological list of the best games I've ever encountered, with short additions. Civ 2. (in which I mastered deity difficulty, for all you civ players out there) Of course all the civ games are pretty good, but

I don't think it's quite enough or finished, but it hasn't gone anywhere for several days, so I think I'm going to leave it be. Later, if I come up with more, I'll just add it like a part two. Sand An endless beach of minute stones hardened and capable of inciting groans each one unique and drowning by the sea all become uniform sharing the same folly you take the gritty sand of me and refine to create a window through which to see when they look through me it's you they see you they see, you not me their reflection in the glass their true desire as a purer class strength fogged by fetid human breath but continuing as greater within the depths a clean creation of clear beauty designed to display but not crudely routinely shattered but never lost remade with remembrance of the cost you take the gritty sand of me and refine to create a window through which to see when they look through me it's you they see you they see, you not me.

There's not a lot I have to say about Megamind. Watch it! Megamind is another animated film. But I don't recognize it as such. From the first watch it easily claimed a spot in my top 25 favorite movies. Admittedly, I don't watch a ton of movies, but I do watch enough that the top 25 is still pretty special. Here's why Megamind made the cut. Animated movies quite often have people with truly wonderful story ideas behind them, because in most cases they cost a little less to make than regular movies, allowing more people to create them. On the flip side, there are a lot of pretty dumb movies out there for the same reason..... Intro aside, Megamind left a distinctive feeling with me after it was done. Refreshingly original. This isn't entirely a realistic feeling to be left with, but nonetheless that's what I thought of Megamind. The movie plays off of traditional bad versus good epic battle conflicts in the best way possible. It's completely outrag

Missing in action... which doesn't mean killed in action, out of action, or inability to execute action, but simply that whereabouts are unknown. I feel like that describes my last month accurately. I'm not going to start a rant of life's inconveniences or other people's conveniences, and I'm not going to subtly (or not) boast of the trials and tasks that befell on my path and guilt whoever listens into believing I had good reason to be mute, and I'm not going to create a giant list of plausible explanations designed to make you think I did everything on it without directly telling you so... because that is the pride of the flesh even if it's in a subtle see-what-a-hard-working-person-I-am way, and a sin-justified-by-the-need-of-an-answer reason. Instead, for those of you who are here and reading for whatever reason you are, I want to share the personal thoughts spun through my mind this last month. Even if I have never really earnestly used an unattache

I didn't wear shoes today. I'm pretty sure that whoever first thought of carpet, was standing in a patch of grass with no shoes on. Then the thought struck, "Wow, this feels really soft and squashy. Wouldn't it be neat to have this in my house?" After an unsuccessful trial period of growing grass on the parlor floor, they decide to replicate it with man-made materials. Boom- carpet is patented and sold. Or maybe somebody loved their pet named car so much that they wanted their floor covered in furry stuff and called it car + pet. Hm. Nah, I don't believe that either. Anyway. I didn't wear shoes today. I slipped off the flip-flops (tongue twister!) and padded through our backyard, and it was a delight . Man recreates, manages, alters, embellishes. But isn't better at making things than God is. Carpet is embellished- "perfected" by man to be more pleasing to the sense of touch, softer on the feet. And through familiarity and uniformit

Life is a lot of things, and one of those things is making messes. And however much I'd like to talk about messes being a good influence and gaining experience and growing from my mistakes and how positive it can all be....I won't. Because despite whatever gain I can sieve out them, that tactic requires looking back. And looking back is not nearly as happy as looking forward, for those who have less life to look back on. No discouragement to those who learn from their mistakes, those whom I applaud for facing their past and dealing with it, that is great; that's simply not what I'm going to (apparently rant) talk about. So many messes. So many mistakes. There goes the egg, on the floor. Holding the cat that bites, next to my face. Sitting in a wheeled chair, on a slanted floor. Eating prunes, to many days in a row. Saying I'll do the dusting, and forgetting to dust. Doing the laundry, but not the dishes. Remembering I need to eat something, and grabbing a cookie

There is a fundamental vicious circle that all bloggers must face, involving two points. One: Readers will not come back to a blog unless there is new material, if they come back at all. This is why it is necessary to keep up a somewhat steady stream of content. (on that note, it's easy to see why I don't have a lot of readers) Two: Due to a continual flow of content, what you have written already gets methodically buried in a mountain of choices. Readers rarely look into the archive of posts, effectively losing out on a huge source of content, which supposedly is one of the reasons they came in the first place. Those paragraphs can be shortened to: In general, readers don't come without consistent updates they can expect, and readers don't come to browse, but to read what's new. In general. There are quite an amount of people who will dare to float their mouse over to the archive sidebar of underrated treasure (as I call it now), and venture to randomly sel

what if i simply spoke spoke without hesitation without any remorse no consideration for policies or affections refused the guidelines of polite chat and small talk explored and expressed the train of thought in originality ? no harm meant none taken if taken with good intent after which the train could proceed all dialogue chained together with no stops only small breaks the purpose your realization my realization of everything simple and complicated becoming complicated and simple yet now understandable all this said and more with no thought given for consequences the implications of such thought consensually overridden to benefit those who dared speak in such a way what might be accomplished then? what sort of consequences would taint the gain? awkward knowledge of the other repeated eye contact acknowledging the other knowing the other knows what you now know too and that they share the same awareness of that liberating open yet closed friendship

Some movies I watch to be entertained. Some I watch to make me think. Some I watch to make me stop thinking. Some I watch because they entertain by being relevant in an intelligent, or maybe just analogy provoking artsy way. I Am Legend isn't the sort of movie I can watch often... but it's in that group of movies that shares the characteristic of thematic elements that you, the watcher, can take and read out and/or in your own ideas. An example of this in the film would be when another survivor implies the possibility that God caused the epidemic, to which Neville (the main character played by Will Smith) responds, "God didn't cause this, we did." It's easy for me as a believer to instantly relate that to Adam and Eve, and why/how sin and evil and suffering exist. There are several such scenes where easy analogies and relevant ideas pop up throughout I Am Legend, but I leave such controversial parts for you to think through yourself. Many times it's

One of my friends recently got a tattoo which included the words, "Christ First, Christ Always". It's beautiful and inspiring... and slightly daunting. "Christ Always" can be taken and reasoned to mean that Christ is always with us, but put together with "Christ First", it resonates with a stronger promise. Christ first, and always first. An identity proclaimed as more than simply Christ with us, but Christ as who we are, at all times. Daunting or not, isn't it better that way? Oh yes. I've been mulling over over an interesting correlation between satisfaction and completion in Christ, and satisfaction and completion in everyday life. Satisfaction and fulfillment are desired in this day and age.... and the routes people take to get them are varied. I have always gotten the most fulfillment from doing something than finishing though. And though there's certainly fulfillment to be found in accomplishing a task set before you, the challenge

Graduating from high-school is an interesting experience. One day you're hitting the textbooks (sometimes literally), and the next day you're realizing that after summer, there's no opening that device of cerebral numbing again. I'm not downplaying education (actually, I am), but for quite a few of us, the last few years of high-school aren't used very efficiently. But they could be. Moving on from a potential rant.... Excerpts from real cards I received below. And just in case, if you see one you recognize giving me below, I still appreciate the card a ton! Really. Just not the factory-printed message. May this day be the beginning of success and accomplishments, and hope that each tomorrow brings much more than what you may wish for! You don't need to hear who hard you've worked or how proud you should be- because you already know that better than anybody! You deserve to feel wonderful about what you're accomplished. The road to success is

The other day I was talking with a good friend about complacency and the choice to remain in pursuit of Christ, instead of managing a gradual growth. The difference between the two isn't always easy to notice... as gradual growth isn't inherently bad, and there will certainly be times in life when God is really pulling on your heart to dive back into his overwhelming awesomeness instead of dutifully reading the word and learning wisdom. 1 Corinthians 8:1b-3, "Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up. The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know. But the man who loves God is known by God." And later in Corinthians 13:2, "If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing." The danger with becoming comfortable with gradual growth is that the heart can become hardened even if our minds become sharper; for love rarely comes

Ah. Good to be back finally. After a full month of summer camp counseling, followed by the fourth of July and a wedding, I'm ready to collapse and collect my thoughts.Unfortunately, with a mind born to ponder on somewhat lifeless analogies dredged from everyday objects and encounters - I simply ran into more things to think about. The wedding I mentioned was held at an art museum, and this glass piece stopped me for some time. It was quite beautiful. At first anyway. I'd say it was about a foot and a half in diameter. The designs were symmetrical and went all the way around the piece, and when I looked close I could see there had to be hundreds of cuts on this thing. As beautiful as it was though, it was also kind of easy to lose focus on looking at it closely, and when I saw it as a whole it looked pretty much like just a chunk of smashed glass. Ugly even. Very man-made. The thing didn't even serve any purpose other than to look pretty too. Exactly the way the wor

Some faiths are just too mysterious. Christianity is unique in having a mystery, that can be revealed to us, whereupon we discover the mystery still exists. Although something is unique, it doesn't mean it's truth though, just take a look at Scientology... Anyway, that was a side track. The mystery of Christianity is revealed to us when we accept Christ. Romans 16:25-27, "Now to him who is able to establish you by my gospel and the proclamation of Jesus Christ, according to the revelation of the mystery hidden for long ages past, but now revealed and made known through the prophetic writings by the command of the eternal God, so that all nations might believe and obey him- to the only wise God be the glory forever through Jesus Christ! Amen." Colossians 1:24-27, "Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ's afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church. I have become its

Raw thought bubbling in my mind. Concepts and theorems yet unresolved. Topics that have been brewing on the back burner for weeks. What follows is surely unstructured and unorganized, but may be interesting too. This describes some of the heart of my blogging. So, mentor relationships. The surest way to know when mentoring is as complete as it will get, is the point when the mentored desires to give back to the mentor in an emotional form. In a mentor/mentored relationship it's a given that the mentor will give emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and in knowledge and wisdom. All because of their greater maturity, understanding, and desire to help a young sprout grow. The mentored usually acknowledges this fact, but doesn't really understand the ramifications, and as such, craves this relationship in which the other side is only to happy to give obligingly. What's important to know is that no relationship apart from mentor/mentored should be like this. It's unrealistic

I graduated today! Below is a F.A.Q. I created to help with crowd control.... the idea was that if there were more people than I could talk at once coming in the door, then some could just read the faq instead. But mostly I just wanted to make a faq. :-) Also, I'm going to be a counselor for a summer camp, the same as last year's. I'm hoping to get a post or two in on the weekends, but don't expect more than four, tops. Sorry. Still, the sidebar archive contains over a hundred and thirty posts... (not bragging, just sayin'!) so if you want to, there's probably something you haven't read in there. Those helpful little links even color code for which ones you've clicked on or not. On to the graduation faq!                                                         F.A.Q.                                        (Frequently Asked Questions) ~ Is there a college degree you're looking at? ~ I am prayerfully considering a major in Communications,

Wanted to share a quick inspirational bolt. It's short, unpolished, and lacks a cohesive feeling, but it could be made into something pretty amazing Titled, "And That Is It" spending time that I don't have wandering a world that I can't see sharing a heart that breaks my back speaking a truth that few believe running a race that rests my feet fighting a war that's already beat claiming a world that's already claimed freeing those that have been chained warming hearts that have been chilled igniting souls that before were nil clearing dead eyes that were so quizzical showing a strength that goes beyond physical now this rhyme is becoming to material the reason including far to much criteria-l ending feels like slamming down a bludgeon the truth is without Christ, you'll never even get 'well done'. And that is it.

This is one of those rare movies I recommend, that I didn't enjoy watching. I believe The Passion is best viewed with some prior knowledge of Christ's sacrifice, but extensive knowledge isn't necessary. On the contrary, knowing every step of the way is one of things that I felt kept the film from impacting me as deeply as I had hoped it would. The Passion is extremely accurate. Historical locations, the populace's garb, accents. Make sure to enable english subtitles, as everything is in the aramaic language. I'm doing bullet points because their isn't really humor or drama or romance or technology or anything else like that, that I can expand upon with my own words. The Passion is simply a brutally realistic portrayal of the true events of Christ's crucifixion. The movie did play around a little with a visible representation of Satan, who tormented Jesus during this time. Or actually his whole life really. While this is certainly in the bible, it alm

The soul is often referred to as a fire. Sometimes as "flickering" or "blazing" or "almost out" or whatever. Just different ways to describe the level of passion someone is portraying. This "fire of the soul", could also be described as a love tank, or self-esteem level that is maintained in part by compliments, and our perception of other people caring about us. Encouragement is one source of fuel for that fire. Compliments are included in the category of encouragement, and I believe our perception of how others think about us also translates to encouragement, or discouragement, depending on that said perception. That said, I've been mulling over encouragement primarily in its form of spoken and written word. What got me started was encouragement from an unexpected source. For a while I didn't think anything of it, until I realized I was still thinking.... of it. See, if the soul is a fire, and encouragement fuels that fire, encour

I don't have much today. Since last summer I've been reading through the bible, and I'm nearly finished with the old testament. I've learned a ton, but here is one thing that I thought I'd share. Early old testament, during the exodus and afterwards, God always talks to the Israelites (us) through Moses. Leviticus 5:14, "The Lord spoke to Moses, saying ...." Leviticus 6:8, "The Lord spoke to Moses, saying..." Leviticus 12:1, "And the Lord spoke to Moses, saying..." Numbers 5:1, "The Lord spoke to Moses, saying..." And so on and so forth over and over again. It's not subtle. And it's not unintentional. As of yet, I don't know the significance of that though, so I'd love any comments. I believe it has something to do with God pointing out the relationship triangle between God, Man, and Law. Something along the lines of how much people were separated from God at this point. Then it all changes. After Levitic

Yes, I just posted yesterday, and yes, that's unheard of for me. Today though, all I wanted to do was share some linkage with you. I'll write a short description about each for you, so you can just check out the ones that might interest you. They aren't in a particular order. Sticker Guy! Simple awesomeness. You can order pre-made stickers, but the real deal is being able to send your own design in. And, the price is quite affordable. Young Writers Society (YWS) . I believe this is hands-down the best site for young writers. Of course there are many wonderful writing sites out there that serious writers should definitely utilize as well, but YWS is excellent for anyone wanting a community of critique-ers and encouragement. Pandora. The single most useful music discovery tool I've ever encountered. I love Pandora. The basic premise: enter the name of a band you love, and the site tries to play music similar to them. This is achieved by having every song on their

Due to excessive busyness (note, not necessarily industrious busyness) I find that once again, I haven't posted for about a week. Argh!   More posts mean more views. More views means I post more. The outcome and result is either a symbiotic relationship where I regularly post and regularly get read, or a vicious circle where I don't post and no one knows the blog exists anymore. There's no way I post for views, for that would be like seeking the praise of man, but it's undeniable that posting something that no one will read is a waste of time. I can write in a notebook and achieve much more self-improvement than I can writing a post. Views, are not the reason I post, even though they are a lot of my motivation. So if views motivate me, why don't I tell anyone about the blog? What is the likelihood of someone randomly thinking, "Hey, I wonder if Benjamin has a blog?" And then actually finding it amongst a gazillion other blogs? And a bajillion-millio