bread&tea

Hook - Remembering Childhood (background music? Yes indeed!) I knew, last night, as soon as Casey called me and said camp started that night at eight pm instead of today, that camp had officially started. It is a crazy ride from beginning to end, and now it's here. I leave to join counselor training as soon as I pack and finish this entry. Consequently, despite 4 months between the last post and then this crazy Every Day In May deal, June will be conspicuously quiet. In all likelihood I'll not be posting again until mid-July. This year's theme is "The Spirit Of Adventure". Campers are divided into two teams, (though not extremely competitive based) the sailors and the aviators. Of course explaining everything here would probably be boring and take way more time than I have available, so I'll just skip the whole deal. I think I can safely say this month will be an adventure -as life with Christ always is- and leave it at that. I'm out of words. For n

Procrastination is a terrible thing. One moment, your lounging in bliss, soaking up the sun, the next thing you know there's half an hour before some deadline that you never knew about before. Oh wait, procrastination means I did know about it. Well this time I didn't, though I don't that counts as an exemption. Now, it wouldn't be so bad if the lounging in the sun parts weren't so few and far between in the first place. Yes, I'm under pressure again, deadline looming. This time one that came out of nowhere and so things just might be kinda interesting. Gotta think positive! At least I can relate to the majority right? But shucks, jokes can only get you part way before the grinding wheel looms up and scrapes your face off. That's never a good thing. So, at this point, you can either leave for more healthy pursuits, or procrastinate and settle in for some scatterbrained, on-the-spot, half-cooked nonsense, most likely with some philosophically untested tho

Books can be worth the time it takes to read them. And... yeah. Vocabulary building and all that. In straight terms, I've done a mixture of different things this afternoon and absolutely nothing has crossed my mind to write. So instead I'm going to *gasp* copy and paste two of my favorite excerpts from the Ender series by Orson Card. I've yet to read the entire series, but the first three are terrific. I praise them so highly as to say they've helped me live with more with an open mind than any other book beside the bible. Incomparably more than my current reading of The God Delusion by Dawkins, which has largely disappointed as of yet, despite giving a better understanding of the atheistic worldview. Anyway, before I derail into uninformed rants.... it bears waiting till I actually complete the book before making any remark. Though whether I will upon finishing is in question. Note, I don't condone what follows as absolute truth by any means.... they are only ext

Wandering amongst tombstones can give one a feeling of morbid melancholy, but it seems appropriately alright given the day. Much as I admire and respect those participants of grim war, it's not so easy anymore to relate and understand what they did. Even the black and white documentaries filmed with over-eager cameramen causing comically quick scenes, fail to really sink in. These dudes really did that stuff. Pretty insane. I also couldn't contain the curiosity to ogle over different tombstones. Styles, shapes, stone types. Mostly granite, but some bronze hatch covers and marble as well. Mostly granite though. That stuff is spendy too. It's one thing to contemplate the excess of a granite kitchen counter when another type of tile or stone will suffice... it's something else entirely in a graveyard. I wouldn't rush to criticize the use of granite as too expensive for use as tombstone markers, the stuff lasts forever. But I did pause in my steps for considerable ti

Silver Leaves   (for background music if you so choose) For the most part, my envisioning of the lost's purposes for life have been highly drear. Having been raised with the promises of God nearby (though not held in full belief by myself until 15), understanding reasons for living apart from such hope has been slightly elusive. Without Christ, why persist? Especially with faith in nothing, what is there to live for? I've always assumed that the greatest reason would consist of bringing pleasure in whatever form to oneself. Having lived in such pursuit myself, it seemed early on that any escalation or greater level of attainment in my pursuits would result in no more happiness than I already had, which was, none. To live for oneself meant pain for any around that I tendered care for. Don't think that selfishness can cause otherwise. However depressing, it's interesting to observe. Though reasons may still be self-centered, instead of giving over to hopelessness and

Twilight succeeds in more ways than one, variations on the definition of it's "success" aside. In addition to the love story between Edward and Bella, we have Jacob the werewolf. He embodies another subject for women, explaining in story form how important guy friends are. It doesn't seem that way sometimes, but guy friends that share genuine friendship carry a lot of influence. Meh... grr. Blegh. Bad start, I'm not really sure how to continue cohesively. Spouting off different points and observations only lightly linked is hard for anyone to follow. Bella is cast as quite normal, prone to physical harm, home to few talents. Keeping up appearances despite emotional insecurity, strife, and stress underneath. As well as a loving person. It doesn't take much to realize how easily that character connects in some way with a vast multitude of girls. Furthermore, Twilight continues on to introduce Superman, aka Edward. This character happens to never have had ano

Today, I finished reading Twilight, and by that I mean the saga. It took some doing. However, I persevered in the face of extreme lovey-dovey drama and overly sensitive overly reactionary peoples/vampires. Because what the heck, vampires and werewolves. No, not really, I just bullheadedly decided that I was going to read this whole freakish series and find out for myself whatever was the rave, instead of asking girls who could never figure out how to explain it right. That never ended very well, even if mildly insightful and entertaining. Well, now I know why. Seriously, men are from mars, women are from venus, and yet both sides can't seem to figure out that the other side does not think like them. No really, I mean that. Sure, lots of people complain and acknowledge that their opposite(s) can't think common sense, but few make the connection that what is common sense is different from one side to the other. Who knew huh. To explain or be understood, you've got to take

Luke 14:28-30, "Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, saying, 'This fellow began to build and was not able to finish'." That verse has really stood out this week, sort of like... the "backburner bible passage puzzler of the week". Now, in context, it's not to hard to understand a general meaning together with the other parables in the same chapter. Earlier on Jesus is speaking about some of the factors of being his disciple. Because it's a parable though, I think it can have more meanings, even if not biblically supported, as a parable. Anyway. That's all just whatever. Sometimes explaining becomes just a waste of time. Investing time into building up another believer -not something flippant. There's a reason why close friends are rare, it ta

I sit on a swivel, feet stretched out and crossed, braindead. Not entirely, with thoughts running throughout the head. I think of you, and I think of them, and I think it again and again. When what becomes when, and when why becomes how instead, I think it all again. Random, paragraph is random. As random as randomosity attains within paradigm. I knew it was going to be hard to come up with something worthwhile every day.... makes me wonder as to the genuine-osity of abstract or vague writings. Sure, they're interesting to read, you can get a whole different meaning than the one the writer was thinking about, if they were at all. I've never written abstract stuff that's pure baloney... yet. If that was so, it'd be lame. As things run now, I've not had enough time to ponder on much of anything. Makes life silly dull! I'd think having work and deadlines might instill some energastic rush but it's the opposite, shutting off room for creative mulling, shun

Schizophrenic black Soothing cool to drowning pool Grief worn despondence to respite in solace Strong, compelling, intimidating, attractive, dangerous Solace let slip to isolation Soothing washing on to smothering Incentive still remains Sedation, numbness, dampening Created illusions of space Lightly tread else it become delusion Buffering against the storm Mask before slaughter Emotionless and still Betraying nothing allowing freedom Gently draped as a coverlet Cocooning as a blanket Filter of hostility Disenchanting but disarming Deep quite capable of dulling Laced over in grace Threads of wisdom Yet lurking with undercurrent of malice Content in emptiness Twisting in mute defiance Swirled by relinquished care Dreamless symbiotic with ambient  orchestra Advocate for the wordless Schizophrenic black. Twilight Is Our Advocate Tonight

Moar - slang term for emphasis on "more" in an outrageous form. (Note: definition brainstormed on the spot) "Music is simply wild sounds civilized into time and tune." I really like that saying. The more music I hear, the more it fits. It might not really were you to play a top 40 or dance hit, but the massive variety and sweeping scope of music is quite dramatic. Furthermore, music can also be argued to be at the judgement of the listener, whether you agree to that or not is up to you, I'm not sure I do myself. An interesting facet, for example: country music. I grudgingly admit it's musical qualities, but I loathe it and consider renouncing that it has any claim to music. On the flip side, I appreciate some things often looked down upon.... including copious amounts of dissonance and over-enthusiastic singing. Or ambient sound so loosely guided I doubt at times my own assurance of the musical qualities within. Music is so amazing! I listen every mo

I've always put a lot of stock in the fact of tomorrows existence.... no matter those crazy people clamoring over how your day should be full of productive crap. Each day is a gift, to be spent and used for good. Not threshed over until every cranny is tip-top full of this and that and whatever else it was I was supposed to do or should have done. Where's the joy in that? And tomorrow is there, for when today is over. For when night time comes and not everything is done, there is tomorrow. With this in mind, hope becomes a thing easier to grasp. There will never be a day where everything becomes done. Excluding the end of the world of course. James 4:13-15,"Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money'. Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If it i

Interesting how some of the greatest blessings are the simplest things. Good health for one. Interesting how some of the simplest things aren't seen as blessings until you don't have them. Mmm. Giving thanks is underrated. Let me think here: I'm sitting on a steady chair, with the light on, food in a refrigerator across the room, typing on an expensive electronic thing... and I think I'm most thankful right now for these pants I'm wearing, they really fit well. That and knowing pretty much nobody reads these posts.... my slightly insane posts due to sicky-yuckness and fuzzy brain-fever makes for uninspired reading. This doesn't even look interesting to me, and I'm the one who wrote it! Oh well, might as well embrace the insanity until it dies out; sitting for two hours with no significant thought is a huge waste. Could have at least been sleeping. So instead I'll give a try for improv. Swirling clouds, purple bruises hastened forth by shivering win

Yesterday I tried briefly to touch on the clashing viewpoints between God in non-existence, and God controlling all things for the good of those who love him. I think the point was made.... just with little emphasis or embellishment. Realizing God's personal involvement in my day to day experiences puts a new perspective on things: either I can brood on the bad things that keep happening and how everything is horrible, or I can choose to see God's hand moving and changing people, bringing about events in a way that I could not see, providing for my needs often before my own realization of them. Looking forward to how God is going to work things out -that is exciting. An adventure. And a lot of the joy in the christian life is found in praising God for just how amazing he is, caring about those who belong to him. I'm sorry, but I'm sitting on a spinny chair. It's not spinning, but it seems like I am, so I'm going to go lie down. Being sick is ridonculous. D

A month ago a co-worker of mine let it be known that they would be moving out of town, having had enough experience in the realm of moving to the point where another move really makes no difference I decided to offer help. Interestingly enough that offer pulled through and ended up a blessing from God, as to my surprise I was paid. Today though, I ran over the garden hose while mowing. *sigh* There's really two viewpoints, and it's a huge key to living with joy as a Christian. I'm not going to say I wasn't disheartened and frustrated -for once I thought perhaps I'd have some cash in my wallet for a while. Garden hoses are not very cheap. It was easy to feel as though I'd gone and made some cash just to have this happen, but the Christian faith leaves me still filled with joy despite. Because when God has control over everything and cares for you as his son, things start pointing back to his providential grace. I had not expected to be paid for helping move

Frustration is unreasonable. Doesn't help anything. I can't help but think of how Jesus must have felt the millionth time some Pharisee asked him a trap question involving spitting in the dirt on sabbath or some such obscure law. Jesus was God, yes. His patience is understandable within his deity, astounded though I am over it anyway. Fell beings require much patience. Yet he was also man, capable of feeling the same frustrations as I. He did everything right, with the right mindset, with the right heart, something I couldn't hope to do. And so many simply could not understand even then. How disheartening and frustrating that would be. What a blessing to be loved by him. In him who clears my frustration and guides me along a better route. God's word will speak better than I am able to tonight. Philippians 3:7-14, "But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing g

A short connecting instrumental movement in an opera or other musical work. A similar piece performed independently. In other words, I'm skipping out on writing today! More accurately, I just have less than an hour to available to do this, change the wardrobe, eat lunch and throw the work clothes through a wash cycle. For all you multitasking gurus and time efficiency specialists, not everyone knows yet how to manage such a feat.... I don't think the work clothes are going to make it. Instead, I love music so much here's a bunch more favorites in place of another entry. I'd like to not resort to a link dump again, but I guess that's how life goes sometimes! All these are in a rather uplifting vibe if you wanted to know. Fireflight - Brand New Day For Today - Talmidim (The Servants) Britt Nicole - Set The World On Fire Jars Of Clay - I'm In The Way My Epic - Rich Tenth Avenue - Times Further Seems Forever - Light Up Ahead 2 Timothy 1:7, "For God

Recently watched "In Time". Not great, not bad. Met my low expectations, didn't exceed them. Entertained for the standard 2ish hours, that's all I hoped for. Super awesome idea, lackluster plot/storyline, I wish Christopher Nolan had directed and someone else had written. Worth your time? Probably not, because while in the movie life can be extended potentially forever by adding time to yourself, that's not the case for us. Short movie review, check! I can't ever get time back again. That's noteworthy. I'm of the slightly opinionated theory that as age increases, years decrease in percentile size, becoming less significant in terms of time, in turn creating the illusion of time moving at a faster rate than the previous year. And with this speed increase time becomes more valuable than ever. Makes me think on what I truly appreciated as a kid, or do now. The best memories have never been because of money, or all about me, it's always been th

Unduly tired. It must be something to do with all the social standing around chit-chat stuff... graduation time effects each differently. Makes me feel startlingly older than I think of myself as, and apprehensive of the big two-oh coming up. That's crazy. I was fifteen just a bit ago... This month has been -and still is- a month of preparation. Come June I'm headed off to help counsel for "Camp Bethany", and prep is much needed. Prayer so greatly appreciated! Being I guess what you could call a "senior" counselor of the camp, I've been working on that thing every christian needs to know by heart; your five minute testimony. Of course I'll probably get more than five minutes, but that's good enough. I've always been told that your personal testimony is right up there with scripture when it comes to sharing Jesus with others, and personal observation proves the point. Some points to remember about testimonies: It's the story of what G

gentle yellow casts a soft coat over all the scent of blue and green wisping up from the ground light breezes flirting with hair, tickling uncovered skin changing terrain jostling one out of reverie, beguiling another into carefree skips pretenses change, deceptions as the same some move on as others remain this year it's different, you have been moved like icebergs or molten rock, inexorably dragged on the music of hearts is only little heard still carefully preserved by few who deserve those listeners, those singers, those dancers, those healers a different dirge in each and all the sadness the happiness, understood a little bit better each year as the day sharply in contrast ends, perspectives in bend the yellow coat shifting to orange with breezes quickening steps many disappear, more come to light, and one, just one remains. always.

Sometimes I wonder what people judge maturity as anymore, what the expectations are. At first look, it sure seems to me it's more about keeping things together than about whether anything is resolved or not. To a point that is true, as emotions, problems, conflicts, relations, won't all be resolved at the same time naturally. More simply appear. It seems far to easy to accept that mainline maturity is accepted as simply not showing that these issues are an issue -that problems even exist. Mmm. This wouldn't be such an issue for me if it weren't for the rather blatant increase of immaturity. An increase it feels like wading into when interacting with -as kindly as I can put it- a lost society. It's far to easy to make an example of typical teen relationships, but still fitting nonetheless. It's a tough spot, a delicate subject, but all the better for it as I can only reminiscence on past discussions held on precisely the same point. Immaturity is entirely rampa

In the rare times that I go back and reread a previous post or two, I have to wonder what the result was. Did the points end up being the influential factor? Or the path to the point? What really was the result of that wording.... did it really end up sincere or just snobbishly arrogant? It's not as if I ever claimed superiority, but you do wonder sometimes. Maybe that's the way it came across as, doing more harm and annoyance than the good it was intended for. I wrote this post a good while ago, John 3:30 , and the verse really serves as a reminder every single day. Coming across as intellectually, spiritually, or even common sensibly superior has never been my goal here.... the fact is that when Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 10 the impression of some recipients of the letter, I feel very much that relates to me. Verses 9-11, "I do not want to seem to be trying to frighten you with my letters. For some say, 'His letters are weighty and forceful, but in person he

There is to much to a human for the universe to be empty. Emotions, dreams, ambitions. However much we might fake simplicity and dullness on the outside, it's not true. How can one say that humans have a spirit and animals do not? Animals are shallow: heat, food, reproduction, idle free time. That's somewhat close-minded and perhaps to targeted at the example of house cats, but it can't be expanded all that much. Conversely, humans have an insufferable eternity of ego problems, relational hiccups, idolatry, circular logic, bull-headed swaggerific thoughtlessness, enraptured dreaming, cantankerous affinity's for randomosity, sincere folly, on and on times a big lotta times. No matter the day, I cannot honestly think on the dullest, most dreary, utterly uninteresting, or disagreeable person I happen to have come into contact with, and think, "there is nothing to them". I must admit that some people really do seem quite empty, or perhaps it would more appropria

Hm. After a mere 8 days, the train wreck of thought has emptied quite fast, leaving nothing but everything moving to fast now. This marks the perceived beginning of perseverance in attempting to hold to this every day in may thing; despite which I started even with fair certainty of failure. Failure wasn't a good enough deterrent. Gibberish writing, writing is gibberish. Makes me think of those college students up at midnight with a "short" five-page paper (well yes it is short in comparison to others but five pages isn't short by itself) to be finished by noon the next day. Ridiculousness. All that teaches is the ability to write a large chunk of utter garbage in a short amount of time, exactly what I'm doing now only blown up in proportions. So grossly bloated that a single complete read-through is in doubt. That's always been a problem for me, back in highschool sometime, I wrote a paper on nitroglycerin, tnt, and dynamite, and bloated it as good as I k

Hm. There's one or two things brewing on the back-burners of my inconsequential mind, but nothing nearly resolved enough to bear writing down. Do that too soon and I invariably end up writing loophole-filled circular logic-based paragraphs. Which, I guess is at least of some value in the humor department. Yet after a day of disquieting regularity... humor isn't something I think attempting would result in anything good. More like sadistically ironic dry stuff far to full of implication to be funny at all. Instead, I'd just like to share some music for a change. Here are youtube links to some music I've found uplifting/soothing/plain good. Also, for delicate/choosy ears sake... I'll leave a general genre label after the links. Maybe you will like a few of these while you do whatever it is you end up doing. Becoming the Archetype - How Great Thou Art - Metal For Today - White Flag - Metal (not particularly a favorite, but pretty good nonetheless) Audio Adren

Just a quickie today, as I was thinking on the schism between Secular Humanity and Christianity, the loud cries to tolerance equal to that of the constant reminder of racism. Honestly, those groups most prone to loudly proclaiming that everyone should be tolerant are usually those that harbor something within not previously tolerated. Hipsters, bronies, gays... a list I don't even know. That said, it's true that religion oft gives a terrible impression of Christianity to the masses, but personally knowing many true followers of Jesus shows me the ones who live the real deal are the only people I know who practice real deal tolerance. A lot of more faint-hearted good intentions based Christians put too much stock in being considerate of others around them. The problem with that is that it's far to easy to become comfortable with being so considerate of others' worldviews. There's a line much farther forward than many of us set where we cannot afford to be less tole

I'm just going to admit it... I have no idea what to write about tonight, so let's just see what happens. Mm.... I spent this weekend out at a summer camp in Exira Iowa called "Bethany Camp". Camp has as of yet, always been held throughout the month of June, being split into 4 age group camps for the weekdays of the 4 weeks available. Occasionally a saturday is organized, dubbed "Men's Work Day", though the women involved do lots of noble work as well. Many different things that are all good, though cooking a wonderful lunch never goes unnoticed. So yeah, this weekend was a men's work day, and that reminds me that I did end up with something to share as the day came to a close. It was after thinking on the relative fruitlessness of work, something I've mulled over for several months now with several different observations and outcomes. I'm not surprised the suicide rate is what it is.... rather more surprised it isn't higher. For with

I was reading a 1-a-day year long devotional this morning, "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers. I don't exactly condone doing reading such a thing, it takes away from willingness and time to read the bible. So much better, there's no substitute. Still, good stuff, and I did draw a rather vivid daydream out of the book after finishing the page. This will have to be short and sweet, and that is frustrating. But I'll continue anyway with this verse from Colossians 3:5 "Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry." That was pretty much the premise of the reading, and for whatever reason, "death" really stood out. Putting something to death is a whole lot more quick and clean than the drawn out strangling that I seem to engage in... entirely ineffective and to personally involved for my own good. Sin could pretty much be described as a

I realize I tread closely to redundancy by writing about writing so much, but it always seems necessary. The mass of peoples around don't seem to realize that coming to a conclusion is very helpful. I can think all I want, but if I don't reach a conclusion to start from next time, I'll never make any progress. I speak of this as a struggle for me, because of course it is, but I include you too. Emotions, feelings, beliefs, relations, ideals, you need to reach conclusions with those. It's ok if they aren't perfect and you know it, they can be changed later; if you never make any conclusions at all though, your life will age while your character remains immature and vulnerable. This isn't something I've thought about and reached a conclusion over, this is from firsthand observation. I refuse to believe you can't notice yourself the plight of at least one person you're in proximity with, or that one thing in the back of your mind that takes an undue a

Today I read through, and found ironic, that in the post before taking several months leave I stated that waiting to give and write more wasn't the right thing to do. Somehow things seem to have turned out just that way. Ell-oh-ell. Lots of laughs and love later and I find myself returning after discovering I've essentially been blogging the whole time, just not publicly. It's a little thing I like to call "thoughtlines". A thoughtline is the result of following that single scittering thread in the mind, elusive and unwilling to be completely caught, resolved, or stopped. But let me share with you this, catching it quite often results in a solid conclusion, or beneficial point. Though that's not the whole reason to do one I suppose. I would describe the process thus: Chasing a thoughtline involves distraction free seclusion, and a dogged pursuit of baseline thought. The thought is written literally as soon as possible after having been thought, i.e, what

Every Day In May. Chances are, you've heard this saying before. Unfortunately, I have little time to write anything lengthy, so this first entry will be emotionless and entirely underwhelming after an episode of nothing since december. Tomorrow, friends. Tomorrow. I cannot escape the fact that my brain and writing go together! I am setting out on an adventure to write an entry here every day throughout the month of may, which is not going to be easy. I've a friend I really respect and love that gave me the idea a year ago, to whom I will inevitably link in the near future; suffice to say, they did a wonderful job of their own every day in may escapade, despite missing a day or two even after great effort. I certainly don't think I will make every day, no indeed. But, that is not going to stop me from starting! This, I would hesitantly add, marks the beginning of a new era for this corner of internet bloggery. I may still naturally be inclined to like blabbing until a se